All I can say is that my dear son Raymond should be very thankful that my critically-acclaimed turn as the Mad Hatter in a children’s theater production of “Alice in Wonderland” when I was 18 didn’t lead to the fame and superstardom that I deserved. Otherwise, according to Sunday’s New York Times article on celebrity baby names, he might have ended up named HotDog or MekkaLekkaHiMekkaHeinyHo. And he’d be pals with Apple, Moxie CrimeFighter, Makena’lei Gordon, and all the other celebrity babies destined to keep Hollywood therapists rolling in dough for at least the next generation.
Boy names are not easy. Amy and I had a long list of girl names picked out even before we learned her fetus had XY chromosomes. We had a couple boy name ideas, but they were not slam-dunks. For boys, if you try to avoid the common, the biblical, names based on states or cities, names of Amy’s ex-boyfriends, and names of annoying co-workers, it doesn’t leave you with much. Luckily for us, Amy’s grandfather had a name that met all our criteria: classic yet uncommon, shorten-able, with no bad associations (in fact, Amy’s granddad was much beloved, which made it all the more perfect). The only downsides we could think of were that insipid sitcom (“Everybody Loves … blah-blah-blah”) and the fact that “Ray” rhymes with “gay,” which will undoubtedly lead to much playground taunting.
But it’s not just the celebrities who are screwing up their offsprings’ lives. One of my favorites websites, “Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty” lists thousands of horrific monikers gleaned from commoners posting to online discussion forums and other sites. The examples are annotated with snarky comments by the author.
Here are some highlights:
I’ve suggested to my sister that she name her little girl to be - Manchester. She’s not sure about it but she’s considering. What do you think?Clever. Like being named Pittsburg or Schenectady. Kid’ll grow up to be beaten to death by Liverpool fans.
I once met a lady named Rodana. I think she runs a successful internet business.
In her spare time she destroys Tokyo.
brayden,makynzi,or karsyn, tyler, preston,or mason
Makynzi: Name or vanity license plate? Type of blade or rogue Japanese crime outifit?
I like the name Aynslie for a girl and Beckley for a boy.
Weren’t they the leaders of the snooty frat in Animal House?
I like the name Tegwin for my third child. My two children have uncommon names that are easy to pronounce and spell. I am compelled to use something original…ideas???
Yes. Jump off a bridge. Your kid sounds like an elfin creature in a Tolkein book.
This is for my niece, Dawn. She is expecting a baby girl in September. I suggested that they name her Dusk. What does everyone think?
I think her grand-daughter Nighttime would not approve. Or her grand-neices Afterhours and Graveyardshift.
