Tonight, I hang my head in shame. Like Penelope’s suitors, I am punished for my hubris. The humble pie I eat tonight is both bitter and cold.
Fifteen and nine. Sixty-two-and-a-half per cent. Pathetic.
Since records have been kept, I have never missed more than 3 Academy Awards in a given year. I have never gotten Best Picture wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, gentle readers, friends and family … a defeated man blogs before you tonight.
But enough about me; let’s talk about the show itself.
Random observations:
- Ladies; lay off the collagen. I’m talking to you Dolly Parton. Your lips should not be larger than your breasts!
- ABC: Do not allow Roger Ebert to talk with celebrities ever again!
- Keira: stand up straight, girl ! You slouch like a peasant.
- As Amy observed, there’s just no downside to George Clooney. Best Acceptance Speech.
- Will and Steven: It would’ve been funnier if you didn’t talk about the makeup. We got the joke when you walked out.
- Huh. No one mentioned Pret-a-Porter during Altman’s award. Funny.
- Good dresses: Ziyi Zhang, Reese Witherspoon, Keira Knightly, Meryl Streep.
- Bad dresses: Charlize Theron, Naomi Watts, Jennifer Lopez, Michelle Williams.
- John Stewart: Bravo, sir. Good work. You get the job.
- What’s the criteria for becoming a presenter? Why was Jennifer Lopez even there, let alone on stage? What’s Will Smith done for us lately? Doesn’t John Travolta have some Scientology stuff to take care of?
- The choreography for “Pimp” was just embarrassing.
- It was a slow year for celebrity deaths, eh?
- Crash? WTF?!
