First, an apology for the prolonged silence (two days!). The Oscars took the wind out of my sails, and I’ve been extremely busy at work. If I get assigned to one more “task force,” I might just have to … uh, take someone to task for it. Or force the issue. See, I’m so brain-dead I can’t even be funny anymore (Audience: “What does he mean, ‘anymore’?”). But, I’m pretty well caught up now, so here am I with some nonsense again.
Excitement is coursing like electricity through Chez Steel today, not because former President Carter is speaking less than 200 yards from my office but because a new “cycle” of America’s Next Top Model starts tonight.
Amy and I watch two shows: Gilmore Girls and ANTM. What began as an ironically-detached activity sometime during ANTM Cycle 3 has become something we plan our week around. When Tyra and the girls aren’t on, we feel strangely empty, lonesome, and a little on edge. But starting tonight, that magic spark of excitement enters our lives again and we will begin to feel a renewed sense of purpose as we spend the next 13 weeks learning who will follow in the famous footsteps of Eva, Naima, and Nicole.
OK, so the ironic detachment is still there. But we like the show, and we’re not just a little ashamed to admit it.
I have to say, though, the current crop of gazelles doesn’t look all that inspired. Here’s my overview of the competitors and my pick for who’s packing her bads and going home tonight.
For those of you unfamiliar with ANTM, host Tyra Banks puts “the girls” through tough modeling challenges such as waking up early, trying to find something to wear, having photos taken, shopping, trying on jewelry, and living with a dozen catty, bitchy women. The girls grapple with both personal and interpersonal issues, and Tyra swoops in periodically to act as the mother figure and iron out any conflicts. In the finale of each show, Tyra and a panel of fashion-industry judges (Nigel Barker, “Miss J.,” and Twiggy) critique each girl’s work during the past week and select someone to go home.
The show starts out with 13 models; this cycle’s crop are pictured below (click each to enlarge).
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[From top-to-bottom, left-to-right]
Brooke: Maybe the transsexual look is in after Felicity Huffman’s Oscar-nominated performance in Transamerica, but not for modeling.
Danielle: The babysitter from Little Rock has the potential to go all the way. But, seriously, “babysitter”?! You couldn’t have said “nanny” or “child-care provider”?
Furonda: The token black-chick-with-attitude. Her hard exterior will get broken down by Tyra, and she’ll cry a lot, and she’ll get sent home.
Gina: The first Asian we’ve seen in a while. Whereas I don’t think she’s pretty, I think she’s too pretty to be a model.
Jade: They’re going to keep her around until the make-overs when they will chop all her hair off, and she’ll cry, and everyone will make a big deal about how much more beautiful she is, and then they’ll dump her. She’s 24, so she’s already too old.
Joanie: That’s not a forehead; that’s an eight-head. There are always a couple non-entities thrown in as chum to throw to the sharks, and she’s one of them.
Kari: The pouty eighteen-year-old from South Dakota will steal Nigel’s heart and hang on until late into the show, and we will all be amused by her immature and childish antics. What’s with big-lipped people from South Dakota (a la Nicole)? Is it to protect against frostbite?
Kathy: There’s something about Kathy that I like, which means she’ll likely be eliminated pretty quickly. She’s awfully bony.
Leslie: She’s the only one smiling and she likes “Seinfeld,” despite being only 18. That marks her a cool in my book. I’m rooting for her.
Mollie Sue: I admit I’m a fan of fake red hair. She lists “Last Tango in Paris” as her favorite movie, which gives her some edginess. Plus, she looks totally different from her (awful) pre-show photo, which suggests she’s versatile.
Nnenna: The Nigerian chemist (!) from Texas. Her other photo shows her big ole smile, which is nice. She’s got a good shot at it, too.
Sara: There seems to always be a blonde named Sara on ANTM. She’s another one of the chum, I’m afraid. Total lack of personality showing through on those photos.
Wendy: I think she’s a total hottie. Plus, she’s from New Orleans, so there are bound to be all kinds of emotional stories about her experiences with Katrina. But she doesn’t look like a model.
My Pick for First to Go Home: Joanie (Runner-up: Sara)
